


Me vs. Us

by dirkharley



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-10
Updated: 2015-05-10
Packaged: 2018-03-29 21:33:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3911452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dirkharley/pseuds/dirkharley
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>No relationship is perfect, but Terezi spends a lot of time considering the problem with hers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Me vs. Us

**Author's Note:**

> as per usual, this started out as a prompt (requested by [ryanguldemond](http://ryanguldemond.tumblr.com/)) for a short fic meme on tumblr. but lord knows i don't understand the concept of writing anything shorter than 1k!!! so it turned into this instead
> 
> bear in mind i have barely (if ever?) written terezi or vriska, but i did have a lot of fun with this! it's supposed to be "angsty" but i'm too cheerful of a person to hurt my favs, so take that as you will
> 
> (also: this is meant to exist within the current canon, ie. these are this timeline's vriska and terezi, and it's set sometime during the years on the meteor)
> 
> anyway enjoy

You don’t know what time it is when you sit up, only that it’s late. And it’s quiet, except for the occasional shuffle of Vriska’s clothes on your pile. She’s still dozing, just inches away, and it takes everything in you not to nudge her awake. But you can’t do that to her. Even though it never seems to matter that your mind keeps on racing after your feelings jams, because as long as she gets all her own words in before falling asleep next to you, everything is just fine.

It eats at you, but you don’t want to hold it against her. Vriska never used to be so forthcoming with her feelings, and you know you’re in a unique position as her moirail. From the outside looking in, everything is perfect between you two. You get up to just the kind of mischief that’s expected of you, and enjoy every minute of it, conspiring in hushed tones like only the palest of pale could. But when it comes time to settle down and be serious? There’s only ever time for one of you.

So when she sleeps, you sit awake (which happens almost every day, if you’re being honest with yourself, and you always are), taking the chance to sort through your thoughts. There’s more than enough to keep your mind occupied. And right now, it seems that you’re drifting back to how things were years ago, and how they came to be the way they were today.

When you were both just on the cusp of six sweeps, things still weren’t simple, as romantic as the thought might be. You were still on Alternia, and there were things to be done, whether you liked it or not. Strangely, the very concept of survival brought a kind of gleeful misery to Vriska that you never quite understood. It took you a long time to realize what was happening, and that how she felt had to be a result of her lusus’ taxing expectations.

That revelation had stirred feelings in you, which you naively mistook for pity - it was, after all, a pretty pitiful lot in life to be stuck with. Thinking about it now, you realize that you couldn’t have cared less about her particular circumstances. You just wanted to know what made her tick.

But youth had a funny way of muddling red feelings together, and shortly before your “accident”, you had a conversation absolutely full of - as Karkat would probably put it - “textbook signs of conciliatory attraction”. All you wanted was to tell her how you felt. Maybe she’d picked up on more than even you had.

You dig for a moment before finding your old handheld husktop, and pull up the chat log you’re thinking of. It might be worth cringing at your past self if it means getting a better grasp of your current feelings.

-

 **gallowsCalibrator [GC]** began trolling **arachnidsGrip [AG]**

GC: SO VR1SK4  
GC: 1 KNOW TH4T YOU 4R3 4 V3RY BUSY TROLL W1TH NO T1M3 FOR 4NY K1ND OF US3L3SS Y4MM3R1NG  
GC: BUT TH4T 1S 3X4CTLY WHY 1 4M H3R3 TO S4Y TH4T WH4T 1 H4V3 TO T4LK TO YOU 4BOUT 1S N31TH3R US3L3SS NOR Y4MM3R1NG  
GC: 4ND 1S 1N F4CT OF TH3 UTMOST 1MPORT4NC3  
AG: Is it really????????  
AG: Then you’d 8etter get talking, Pyrope! You’re right about me 8eing 8usy.  
GC: TOO BUSY 3V3N FOR M3  
AG: Yes, too 8usy even for you.  
GC: TH3N 1LL M4K3 1T QU1CK  
GC: YOU KNOW THOS3 K1DS W3 B34T L4ST W33K  
AG: What, that creepy olive 8lood and his weird m8sprit?  
GC: Y3S, 4S UND1GN1FY1NG 4S 1T 1S TO R3F3R TO TH3M L1K3 TH4T  
GC: TH3Y M4Y H4V3 B33N D3S3RV1NG OF TH3 JUST1C3 W3 BROUGHT DOWN ON THEM, BUT TH4T D1DNT M4K3 TH3M D3G3N3R4T3S  
AG: Okay, whatever. Anyway????????  
GC: 4NYW4Y  
GC: 1 W4S TH1NK1NG 4BOUT HOW TH3Y 4CT3D B3FOR3 W3 F1N1SH3D TH3M OFF  
GC: OR MOR3 SP3C1F1C4LLY  
GC: HOW TH3Y 4CTU4LLY PUT UP 4 F1GHT?  
GC: 1T M4D3 M3 WOND3R WH4T WOULD H4V3 H4PP3N3D 1F TH3Y WOULD H4V3 WON  
GC: 4ND W3 WOULD H4V3 B33N 1N TH4T POS1T1ON  
GC: WH4T DO YOU TH1NK W3 WOULD H4V3 DON3?  
AG: …  
GC: VR1SK4?  
AG: You can’t 8e serious right now.  
AG: In fact, you’re never this serious, so I’ll just assume that this is some 8ig joke that you thought would 8e hilaaaaaaaarious to play on me right now, even though I said I was 8usy.  
GC: 1M NOT JOK1NG  
AG: Please. You can’t honestly think we could 8e 8ested 8y a pair of losers like them. Or ever, at all.  
AG: Not with my leadership, and our com8ined skill. 8ut if you’re losing faith in Team Scourge, then may8e you should consider that you’re the weak link, and not me!  
GC: NO ON3 1S 4 W34K L1NK 4ND 1M NOT S4Y1NG TH4T TH3R3 1S ON3 OR 3V3R W1LL B3  
GC: 1TS JUST TH4T W3V3 H4D SOM3 CLOS3 C4LLS, 4ND NO CONT1NG3NCY PL4NS TO SP34K OF!  
GC: SO WH4T H4PP3NS 1F N3XT T1M3, W3R3 TH3 P41R OF LOS3RS!  
GC: WH4T H4PP3NS WH3N 1NST34D OF GLORY, 4LL W3 G3T 1S 4 KN1F3 1N TH3 GUT?  
AG: Ugh. Get a grip, Pyrope. You’re losing it.  
GC: NO, 1M JUST TH1NK1NG R34L1ST1C4LLY H3R3, 1N TH3 1NT3R3ST OF NOT L1T3R4LLY LOS1NG MYS3LF, OR YOU  
AG: Excuse me?  
AG: I’m not exactly yours to lose.  
AG: We’re just Flarp partners. Don’t get all mushy on me.  
GC: WH4T3V3R  
GC: 1M JUST S4Y1NG  
GC: L3TS B3 MOR3 C4R3FUL N3XT T1M3. 4ND 3V3RY T1M3 4FT3R TH4T  
GC: B3C4US3 W3R3 NO US3 TO 4NYON3 D34D! NOT 1N TH3 L34ST OURS3LV3S  
AG: Fine. If you want to 8e such a wriggler a8out it, go ahead.  
AG: Anyway, is that it for now? I have o8lig8ions other than you, you know.  
GC: Y34H TH4TS 1T  
AG: Good. Then I’ll talk to you l8er.  
AG: May8e 8y then you’ll 8e acting a little more like yourself.  
GC: NO  
AG: What?  
GC: 1 S41D NO  
AG: I heard you. 8ut why?  
GC: 1 M34N, NO, TH4T 1S NOT 1T  
GC: 4ND NO, YOU WONT B3 T4LK1NG TO M3 L4T3R, NOT UNL3SS YOU H34R M3 OUT ON ON3 L4ST TH1NG  
AG: Ugh, you know what?  
AG: Fine!!!!!!!!  
AG: Keep talking. It’s not like you’re w8sting my t8me 8r 8nyth8ng!!!!!!!!  
GC: TH4NK YOU, 1 W1LL  
GC: B3C4US3 1 N33D TO T3LL YOU TH4T YOU WORRY M3, VR1SK4  
GC: 4ND NOT JUST WH3N YOUR3 B31NG R1SKY OR PL4Y1NG W1TH YOUR OWN L1F3 4S W3LL 4S TH3 L1V3S OF OTH3RS  
GC: BUT WH3N YOU AVO1D M3, 4ND MY L3G1T1M4T3 CONC3RNS, L1K3 1M 4 BURD3N TO YOU  
GC: W3 BOTH KNOW TH4T T34M SCOURG3 1S TH3 B3ST TH1NG TH4T 3V3R H4PP3N3D TO YOU. OR TO 31TH3R OF US  
GC: BUT 1TS 4LSO D4NG3ROUS  
GC: WH1CH 1S WHY W3R3 4 T34M  
AG: And t8ms are supp8sed to st8ck tog8ther!!!!!!!!  
AG: 8ut this s8unds 8n awful l8t l8ke y8u t8rning y8ur 8ack 8n m8!  
GC: TH4TS NOT 1T 4T 4LL  
GC: 1 JUST TH1NK TH4T OUR F33L1NGS M1GHT SOM3T1M3S G3T 1N TH3 W4Y OF OUR JUDG3M3NT  
GC: SO M4YB3 YOUR3 R1GHT  
GC: 4ND 1M NOT CUT OUT FOR TH1S 4NYMOR3  
AG: …  
AG: Come on.  
AG: Don’t say that, you’re just fine. In fact, you’re 8etter than fine. You’re the 8est, just like me.  
AG: 8ut it seems like you could do with a little cheering up right about now.  
AG: So how a8out this: I cancel my plans, and we play a little game. Just for fun, with our old friends in Team Charge.  
AG: And remem8er the good old days of no-nonsense ruthless flarping.  
AG: What do you say?  
GC: 4R3 YOU FOR R34L R1GHT NOW  
AG: The a8solute realest.  
GC: TH3N Y3S  
GC: TH4T SOUNDS L1K3 3X4CTLY WH4T 1 N33D  
GC: L3TS G3T TH1S P4RTY ST4RT3D >:]  
AG: Yes, let’s. ::::)  
GC: TH3 SCOURG3 S1ST3RS 4R3 B4CK, W1TH 4 V3NG34NC3!  
AG: Oh, please. Like we ever left.

-

You close the log without so much as sniffing at the rest of it, because you know it’s just your usual banter back and forth, and that you went back to acting like nothing had even happened between you moments before. But if you remember correctly, this was one of the last times you really spoke to Vriska this way until you found yourselves spending all your time together on this meteor. Your moirallegiance has made it easier to talk about some things, but even still, so much harder to even think about others. Reading over that log made your head spin, so you slump back and try to make yourself comfortable.

Vriska shifts a little in her sleep, but you know she won’t wake up any time soon. While you’ve been thinking back to the conversation you had over two sweeps ago, she probably wouldn’t remember it even if you brought it up. But there’s one thing you said that resonates with you: “I’m not cut out for this." At the time, you didn’t just mean your partnership, but the strange slew of feelings you had for her. But now, it feels almost relevant again, like you remembered the whole conversation just for that specific line - it probably has something to do with your Aspect, as useless as it usually is - and you can’t help but feel as though it should mean something to you, now.

You curl onto your side, placing an arm around her waist and willing your body to relax. You want this to work. You want to be here for her, even if she can’t always return the favor. You know she feels the same way, and you know she thinks she’s good for you. It’s intense how badly you want that to be true.

As you lay there, you can’t shake your own words from your mind. Vriska’s voice echoes through your head, and it’s just reassuring enough to lull you into sleep. You know the nagging thoughts will return, but until then, you will yourself to be blissfully unaware and happy with your life. If there’s anything you don’t think you’re cut out for, it’s destroying the best thing that’s ever happened to you.

You don’t sleep easily, but if there’s one thing you can count on, it’s having her next to you when you wake up. And that makes everything worth it.


End file.
